Chem Trailers

Growing up there was nothing I loved more than seeing movie trailers before the movie, I remember very few of them, but it was like getting a cinematic Sears Christmas Wishbook.  The one trailer I remember was probably the scariest movie moment I ever had, and will ever have.  My mom came with me to the Arcturus Theatre back home to see Gus, a Disney flick about a donkey drafted by a college football team to kick field goals.  Yes, its a real movie, no is not a fever dream, look it up on IMDB.  I'll wait.
....
I accept your apology.
Anyway the theatre decided it was perfectly time to play before an audience of rugrats the trailer for Burnt Offerings, an adult haunted house movie.  So here I was, bright eyed and bushy tailed, waiting for a donkey to kick a football and eventually sign up with the Steelers and become a member of the beloved Steel Curtain.  Okay the last part is the present day.  ITS BEEN A TERRIBLE SEASON, WE NEED A NEW KICKER! Sitting in the theatre watching that trailer scared me.  I had nightmares for weeks, and decades later it still stands as my scariest cinematic experience, and this is coming from the guy who watched Gary Busey in Silver Bullet. Gary Busey!!!!  I eventually saw the movie and it was kind of meh, but for me its not the same movie as the one I saw in that trailer.  In fact, with the fog of many decades blurring my judgement, I don't think the trailer actually gave away much of the movie.  It still conveyed the elements of fear and terror, but it didn't give anything away.  They felt like two sides of an awesome coin.
I think this affected me, because I love trailers, well more classic ones.  I own the 42nd Street Forever collection and I can lose hours of time on the You Tubes playing trailer treasure hunt.  Some are fun, some are amazing, some are frikkin' works of art.  Just for fun, pop on You Tube and look for trailers of films from your childhood.  If you want to peek into my twisted psyche try Halloween (1978), Exorcist (1973), or Dawn Of The Dead (1978), or for a laugh Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1975), Airplane! (1980) or Strange Brew (1983).  All great movies, all with really good trailers.
And that's why I feel bad for the modern trailer.  You're no longer wacky, quasi-artistic, teasin' two minute tempatations, hooking the viewer into spending money a few weeks in the future.  Now you just give away the story, all the jokes, or all the tentpole moments while being sandwiched between actual commercials and the movies the audience has been waiting 20 minutes to see.  I feel bad for you modern movie trailer, the neglected middle child of the movie going experience.  Now all trailers aren't bad, but your lumped in with so much crap, being played for an impatient audience who'd rather get the last text message in than watch you.
But you can be fixed.  Firstly, get rid of those commercials, we didn't pay $12+ bucks to watch a big TV show.  Secondly, let the film maker be creative with the trailer.  Let them play Hitchcock, or let them work with someone who knows how to tease with two minutes of film.  Let them use footage that won't be in the finished product, let then shoot something original.  Let them tempt you with an appetizer, not a sampler f the main course.  Save the money shot for opening weekend reviews, not six month before.
Gimme Burnt Offerings, gimme something that'll stick in my head until opening night.